Women Fart. Period. Back in High School, I flirted not so shamelessly with this guy John who worked behind the deli counter at the market I worked at. In addition to quoting Dirty Dancing every time I stocked the watermelons in the produce section, one of the most distinct things I ever remember John saying to me was that "girls don't poop or fart". I think that moment screwed up my entire adult female life.
I share an office with my Office Boo. So during the course of a typical 8-hour work day, I get about, oh, 37 seconds alone. In addition there is one bathroom, with no ventilation, that everyone walks past about 10,000 times a day. So the question that begs to be asked is- where the hell is a girl supposed to release a fart or two during the day?
Even right now as I type, I kinda need to let one out. Office Boo is out today, and there is a lawnmower going outside delightfully filling my office with the scent of freshly cut grass (golf course superintendent's daughter alert). I could easily let one rip- but I can't. Either because I'm so programmed not to, or because I still have the fear that at any second ANYONE could walk into my office.
Here's the problem- society (aka guys like John) have convinced me that its shameful to have to fart or poop. I will talk to anyone about sex, periods, boogers, throw up, etc. But ask me to talk about pooping or farting and I can't. Do you ever notice that? Guys talking about the two like it's the weather. But do you ever hear girls talking about pooping or farting, let alone doing it? Negative.
I will tell a select few (Queens, LaLa, Kay or Mom) that I may need to do #2, and I will let a fart out in front of even fewer (probably just Kay or Mom, but I used to take baths with Kay, so that's to be expected). But why? EVERYONE does it! It's a natural bodily function. Sure, it smells for about 20 seconds (if that) but then it goes away. And I feel a lot better after I've done it. And poop? As long as I don't get it all over the toilet seat, who cares where I do it? If I spray some air freshener, what difference does it make? I'm not walking all the way back to my apartment just to drop a deuce.
So, to all the John's of the world, I declare this to you: WOMEN POOP AND FART. A LOT. JUST AS MUCH AS YOU.