So, I told Mr. Met I could not dog sit for him...which then turned into a string of catch up emails. I finally told him how miffed I was that he went and got his passport. He said he was sorry...he knew that would upset me but that things have changed. I told him I was glad for him but that it made me sad. That he could change and be a better person with someone else and not with me. It makes me question our whole relationship. Was it me that made his act like that? Clearly he is a normal functioning adult when I'm not around. I hate that he makes me doubt myself...and I hate that I get pulled back into every time. I hate him so much...but I'm upset when he doesn't answer my email right away...and he is the first person I want to tell my news to...good or bad...and when I'm watching something awesome on TV...he is the person I want to call and talk to about it. I'm clearly not over this I guess...but if I say I'm over it...shouldn't I be? Isn't that what getting over something is? Just sucking it up and moving on? I watched my mom be miserable for years after my parents got divorced and the turning point for her was when I sat her down and told she just had to move on and get over it. Now I'm saying that to myself...but I still feel insecure and unloved. I just want to be happy.
So like I said. I need therapy. I'm going to give it a shot. I'd rather not tell anyone at this point (minus my blog reading friends!). I feel like I'm treading water and getting nowhere and its the most awful feeling.